Humidors, Winter Birthdays and the Lack of a Backwards R

Always a great gift

When my boys were little, I never had to ask them what they wanted for their birthdays.

Art stuff, books, bikes, skates, a new 64 pack of Crayolas,Transformers, Legos, puzzles, board games....the possibilities were endless. And sweet. And fun to buy.

Toys "R" Us (I'm eternally annoyed that there is no backwards R on the keyboard so that for the once-every-10-years that I want to type that, I can't do it accurately) was a treasure trove of things that not only Tom wanted but that I -- reliving my childhood --  did, too.

My sons were never particularly attracted to the aisles of electronic toys...and 10 to 15 years ago there was a lot less of that than there is now. We also had very strict rules (as in we did not allow them in our house) about video games but there was so much to choose from that I was always able to come up with something that would be a hit.

However, when Tom had a birthday party, based on its winter date, people would typically bring him clothing. This would release such hostility and despair that I once considered throwing him a half-birthday party in the summer at which he would, hopefully, receive traditional warm weather items like a Slip n' Slide or a Nerf gun.

Things have changed.

This year, Tom asked for a humidor for his cigars. Since I still think of my kids as babies, I immediately imagined a teeny Tom in a diaper with a stogie clamped in his jaws. I worked hard to exorcise this vision (which quickly became entwined with an image  of Winston Churchill drinking from a sippy cup) so to focus on the task at hand.

While hard to believe, it turns out that since there are no Humidors R Us stores out there (see, I needed that damn backwards R a second time), I had little choice but to resort to shopping on the Internet which, despite my reluctance to utilize any modern techniques for anything anytime ever, I have come to love. 

I am forbidden to enter.

 Not only can you find anything and everything online but there are certain stores at the mall that I simply don't go into because I am so untrendy and uncool that mall security has forbidden it.

So,there is great karmic satisfaction in web-surfing the sites of the fanciest places with Cheez Doodle lips and no bra.

But back to the humidor. I didn't even know what I was getting into. How big is a humidor? Do they plug in? Why is my sweet toddler whose lungs are still pink and healthy asking for a goddam humidor? And, most importantly, does Fisher Price make one?

Not a good gift.

The answers to the above questions are not big, no, he's no longer a sweet toddler but a 26-year-old degenerate and Fisher Price does not make one yet although they do have a pretend at-home Botox party kit for ages six and up.

To summarize: I ordered one for him and it got lost. So I am re-ordering and it will arrive soon but in the meantime, Mr. I-Only-Get-Clothes-for-My Stupid-Winter-Birthday has been bitterly reliving the annual disappointment of his younger years. 

So, if  there's anyone out there who wants to send him a Nerf gun or a Creepy Crawlers Bug Maker, I can provide his address upon request.

Thus concludes another week. Thanks, as always to my readers and followers. And, in view of the tragedy unfolding as a result of the enormous earthquake in Japan, lets send lots of prayers their way.