When I Win the Mega Millions Lottery...

Yep, I bought a lottery ticket. 

Actually, Seth bought it and it's at times like these, when that ticket is about to relocate me to Easy Street, that he and I suddenly become "one."

Technically after 20 years in the state we call home, what's his is mine anyway. I'm not sure he knows this.

First, I will buy the rocking chair I saw in Target today. It had just the right amount of cushioning and it was very comfortable. It was more of a glider than a rocker and relaxed me almost immediately even though it was up on a little display platform and people were looking at me since I was kind of sweaty and, in essence, on display.

I didn't care.

I needed a rest and no one who worked there dared say anything to me...I wanted to eat a package of Easter Peeps while I rested but decided that would be pushing it.

I want huge tires and lights
on top.

Then, I will buy a Jeep Wrangler.

As I approach my dotage, I have a limited number of years in which to enjoy a Wrangler since, despite their redesign a few years ago, they are still kind of jouncy. Not only that but they are very high off the ground and my legs seem to be getting shorter by the minute.

I'll need a color to match the Jeep.

In the warm months, I will remove the doors and top and drive too fast and people will wonder who that super cool, silver-haired hot rod mama behind the wheel is.

So, when I win all that money, I will buy a two door jeep in the color of red and when the police pull me over for speeding, I will now be able to afford the ticket. And when I have so many tickets that they try to take away my license, I will buy the judge. That's pretty easy, according to the New York Post.

Then I will buy lipstick. As many as I want. All colors. And not just from the drug stores, from the cosmetic counters, too. And some shoes. And I will hire Gary Puckett and the Union Gap to put on a concert in the backyard and make sure they play all their greatest hits at least three times each. Yes, I know Gary is now 69 years old but I'm not so young myself.

Hello, again.

Then I will buy the New York Mets.

I will give them to Tom and Charlie as an early Christmas present. I will tear down Citifield and have then re-erect Shea Stadium exactly as it looked in 1986 and I will eat hot dogs and drink beer while my sons save the team.

Bye bye.

Of course I will be philanthropic, too. Don't worry. And I will put aside enough to invest so that my fortune will make more fortune. I am really looking forward to this.

Have a great weekend. Look for me on the new holding up the giant check they give all the lottery winners.

 

Now, enjoy a little Gary Puckett. Here's the classic

"Young Girl."