Well, 2012, you are -- as they say -- toast.
Forced to relinquish power to your next in line and direct descendant--2013, you are little more than a crumpled calendar page in my wastebasket and a heavy heart full of memories.
|Nobody's favorite couple.|
I don’t mean to imply you were all bad.
You did show a mischievous side at times by taking down a decorated general and a revered cyclist, allowing Lindsay Lohan to portray Elizabeth Taylor in a movie, bringing Kim Kardashian and Kanye West -- two people who totally deserve one another -- together, watching K-Stew cheat on R-Pat and luring Anderson Cooper out of the closet.
Let's not overlook how you kept Prince Charles off the throne yet again, entranced millions of women with a trilogy of books about sado-masochism, causing them to wonder why their own husbands have yet to install sex swings next to the Fisher Price “Grow with Me” Kitchen in the family room.
|Get well...and then get a haircut.|
You chuckled as you discredited the Mayans, as the news media invented and drove us mad with the word "frankenstorm" and sat back as an America-hating flash-in-the-pan rapper danced Gangnam style in the Whitehouse for the president who, by the way, you re-elected this year.
You also gave Nancy Pelosi a new hair-do while inexplicably continuing to allow Hillary Clinton to wear hers like an aging transvestite in need of a make-over. Plus, you failed to keep John Boehner out of the self-tanner.
Unfortunately, once you chose to get serious, you left many scars and I wonder what you have to say for yourself in the wake of so much chaos and many tears.
|Hurricane Sandy's aftermath.|
You brought us bath salts, cannibalism and Jerry Sandusky, wrought total havoc in the middle east, devalued our homes, denied rain to a huge swath of the country while sending Hurricane Sandy our way, washing away the homes of thousands in the tri-state area.
You watched as sheer terror was unleashed in a multi-plex theater in Aurora, Colorado, by a crazy-like-a-fox madman left alive to enjoy three hot meals per day on the taxpayer’s dime while twelve families grieve the loss of loved ones who committed no crime other than wanting to enjoy a movie with friends.
|Far more than a local tragedy.|
And then, 2012, you outdid yourself in Sandy Hook---finishing off with something unspeakable in our very own corner of the world which has now been joined by the nation if not the planet to inconsolably mourn 26 angels, most of them not old enough to tie their own shoes. What were you thinking, 2012? Can you explain yourself?
|Got a problem with my sweater?|
On a personal note, you said nothing as I ate too much salt, didn’t exercise and looked at far too many pictures of cats wearing sweaters instead of getting serious about the laundry list of topics about which I should have become serious long ago.
And, yes, 2012, that was me you saw in prayer last night. My head fuzzy from champagne and the warmth of an evening with dear friends still around my shoulders, I suggested to God that even though he has endowed and encouraged our free will that we might need a little extra help with your younger sibling after the year we had with you.
|A marvelous diversion.|
It's easy to ask for help after royally screwing things up on this fragile little blue marble we call home -- so beautiful from space as well as my back deck -- but we could really use a little help down here.
So, 2012, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Season three of Downton Abbey begins next Sunday and while that’s definitely a good start, I would like to formally request that 2013 be gentle and that we all have a happy, healthy, peaceful new year. “Susan Says…” sends you all love and warmest wishes.
|Still a beauty.|