Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Fantasy

How often in life does one actually have a secret fantasy come true? Not too often, I'd imagine. 

Think about it...have you

Yet we all have them...often imprisoned in our hearts, locked away only to be revealed by a frisky subconscious, our fantasies tend to be unrealized as well as deeply private.

Just recently, however, a fantasy of mine did come to life...bursting into three dimensional reality not unlike those sped-up flowers that, in mere seconds, go from bud to bloom on the Discovery Channel.  

Materializing with a thunk and a roll, it was a moment I won’t soon forget. And, because my life is an open book to my readers, I would like to share it with you.

I love ShopRite!

It began yesterday as I was driving home from ShopRite. 

My favorite supermarket, normally a teeming hive of activity, was unusually empty. Maybe it was the heat or the threat of a storm but it had a summer-quiet kind of feel as did the entrance ramp leading to the highway. There were only two vehicles -- an SUV and a truck --  accessing the road at this fateful intersection of harsh reality and gauzey dream-come-true.

Mine was the SUV...tootling along, radio on...and, here comes the magic-- the other just happened to be a Haagen Dazs delivery truck from which a giant tub (the kind they scoop from when making your cone at the mall) of ice cream had somehow broken free and was now rolling towards me at a good clip, coming to a full stop in the weeds beside my car.

The truck was very similar to this...
My mind works nimbly where ice cream is involved and, developing an immediate drool as I observed its frosted sides and easily removed protective lid, I understood that this was probably the only chance fate might ever offer to throw the car into park and leap forth to abscond with a vat of Haagen Dazs to enjoy all a darkened room, no phone, no TV, not even any cats. 

Even a spoon was optional…just me and the creamy.
I didn't even know
this flavor existed!

Slowed down to a crawl (and yes, Seth, keeping an eye on the rear view mirror) I tried to ascertain what flavor had escaped. 

Might it be Cookies and Cream? Pistachio? Something trendy like Caramel and Sea Salt? A cherished favorite such as Rum Raisin or Vanilla Swiss Almond?  Mint chip? Dulce de Leche? Simple but sinful chocolate? Classic French Vanilla? WHAT WAS IT?????

The tub was this size but this
particular lunatic is not me.
There was no time to tell because I realized the driver had slammed on his brakes several car lengths ahead and, having leapt from the truck’s cab, was – literally -- running towards me and the errant tub of ice cream. He ran with pure determination and the unspoken intent to fight me if I attempted to "scoop" it up before he was able to reach it.

I don't know how ths picture got
in here....
If ever rebel impulses are to exist within me, it would be if dessert is involved. If I'm going to fight, it might as well be over ice cream but this guy was big and surprisingly fast and I sized up my chances for victory. They were very low. 

Believe it or not, he looked crazier than I felt so I pulled away, pointing the car back toward the highway and accepting the fact that an opportunity such as this  -- like when I was 19 and fate placed me face to face with Eric Clapton on a street corner in New York City...I am fairly certain that if I'd had the guts to express my true feelings for him, he'd have whisked me to his mansion across the pond for a life of rock 'n' roll decadence…but I wimped out then, too --  would not come again.

How he looked at the time.

As in most fantasies, there are a few inherent variables…I can tell you that I wouldn't have even considered fighting if it had been a tub of sorbet (any flavor) but might have gone all Russell-Crowe-in-Gladiator on his ass for their new Cappucino Gelato. 

Eric Clapton went on to install another as his queen and the Haagen Dazs driver retrieved the ice cream before I could snatch it away…but for the few seconds when the possibilities loomed large, I was a woman in complete charge of her fantasies. And that’s more than many can say.

"My name is Maximus and I WILL have that ice cream!


  1. Haha. What a story!!

  2. I now wish I had grabbed that ice cream, Stajie....

  3. I cannot believe you of all people wimped out. This guy was not about to hit an AARPer over a frozen confection. Do I need to send you some shoulder pads and coat hanger to hold next time that happens? God was sending you a message. All you had to do was get a spoon a listen very carefully.

  4. Face to face with Eric Clapton!?
    Let me tell you, you have used up all your allotted fantasies right there!