Alone and Unsupervised...Spring Edition

Some of you already know that I really should never be left alone for more than one or two days at a time.

When left to my own devices, things can fall apart pretty quickly.

Seth, due home this afternoon, was recently away for nearly five days and, as I sit amidst the laundry and dishes I was planning on doing the minute he left, I am left to wonder why I am incapable of sticking to a productive plan.

For me, and most people, the longer I have to complete a task, the less likely it is to get completed. Is it not possible, however, that the to-do list I substituted for mundane tasks such as dishes, laundry and the organization of closets was just as compelling?

I actually consider it to have been a very constructive five days. Here's how I spent it...

1. Conducting a socio-feline experiment, complete with note-taking and placebo cat treats, by calling Buzzy the Cat, "Bugsy" to see if he noticed. He did not.

2. Unsuccessfully trying to coax "Bugsy" off my newspaper so I could both read it and do the crossword. Suffice to say that I have no idea what's happening in the world and my word skills are significantly diminished.

3. Watching the Food Channel and becoming irrationally angry at my cookware. Why do they all get such gorgeous pots when I have such old crap? Might it be that they are network stars and I am not? Note to self: ponder this..

4. Deciding that if I come across one more article about tricked-out yuppies whining about how stressful it was to travel to exotic locales with their toddler, I am going to take hostages. Those damn toddlers can list Machu Picchu on their travel dossiers. I have been to Elizabeth, New Jersey. Once.

5. Concluding that if I ever see Montel Williams weeping during another television interview, I plan on shooting out the TV screen just like Elvis used to do. Note to self: apply for gun permit because you and I both know it will happen again.

And we know how this worked out.

6. Thinking about Chinese food

7. Drunk dialing Tom and Charlie.

8. Thinking about Mexican food.

9. Watching endless cat videos on Youtube.

10. Trying to film cat videos for Youtube.

11. And last but not least, deciding what I would name my rock band if I had one. Here are the finalists:

• Fat Chance

• Touch Me and I End You

•  Varicosity

• Get Out of MY Lane NOW

• The Electric Hormones

• Crampy Pancakes (my favorite)

I also spent an undetermined amount of time engaging in my hands-down, all-time favorite activity when alone--sitting and staring.

Alone but not lonely

Occasionally punctuated by sobbing, during these sessions it may appear as if I am idle but I am actively creating problems, analyzing past mistakes, rehashing troubling events, second-guessing myself and wallowing in regrets. This is neither productive nor beneficial in any way which is exactly why it's so satisfying.

Last time I was left to my own devices, there was lots of eating, too. I am trying very hard to not over indulge and regretfully acknowledge that self-control is not nearly as entertaining as desperate excess. For this, I sincerely apologize.

If it's any consolation, I did crochet a small vest for Bugsy and attempt to put it on him. I wanted him to wear it for the video but it didn't work out.

 

A good listen for those all by themselves.