Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Alone and Unsupervised

I disagree with Napoleon Dynamite
I dreamt there were giant tumble weeds of dust and cat fur drifting around, threatening me, last night. It was awful. Oh, wait---I wasn't dreaming.

I've been left alone for a few days without either a working vehicle or adequate estrogen...and I've been naughty. In the same vein as "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound," I have been researching the parallel concept of "if you don't take a shower and there's no one to smell you, do you stink?"

I have also been waiting for the driveway to magically shovel itself. Since I genuinely believe this is possible and keep peeping out of the window, hoping to get a glimpse of the army of elves arriving with tiny shovels, my isolation may be causing delusions.

The reasons for my confinement are too boring to go into---they involve lots of snow, problems at work for my husband, car issues and lack of public transportation...factor in a hearty dose of reclusive weirdness and you get the idea.

Now, throw in a half bag of frozen Tater Tots to complete the picture. Purchased, long ago, to feed a visiting child who ate only Tots and chicken nuggets, I'd forgotten they were in there but, upon a freezer re-con mission yesterday, there they were. I don't remember ever having eaten a Tot but, aware that they have caused controversy for being a nutritionless staple on school lunch menus and are considered total crap, they became irresistible to me in my current state of degradation.

I prepared them as directed--misplacing my glasses immediately afterward so as not to be able to read the huge list of artificial ingredients on the bag. 

They smelled great and I left them in the oven long enough to get crispy, eating them with a little ketchup and a guilty expression. To my surprise, they were terrible. Tasteless with a weird texture and a vague hint of petroleum flavoring, I aimed the entire paper plate at the garbage.... and totally missed. Disappointed and unsatisfied, I peeped out of the window again to see if the elves had arrived. They had not. 

Not ready for sleep thanks to erratic nappage, I cursed the day caller ID was invented because it suddenly occurred to me that a few prank phone calls might be entertaining. Have I mentioned that it was after one in the morning?

The Tots got their revenge by causing indigestion and bad dreams but morning arrived and I am showered and all done up in fresh house-attire. Perhaps I will use my time cleaning out a closet or drawer. Perhaps I will search for M&Ms in the couch cushions for hours on end....who knows.  Wait--I think I hear the elves....


  1. It's the ugly truth, I'm afraid, Maria. Thanks for stopping by..

  2. LMAO - if you think will happen - or not.
    just wait till spring...the snow will be gone by then...
    but if by chance you do see the NOT throw tater tots at them!

  3. Bee! The elves that will come to shovel do not like Tots...they prefer jello shots (a rhyme!!!!!).