Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Alone and Unsupervised

I disagree with Napoleon Dynamite
I dreamt there were giant tumble weeds of dust and cat fur drifting around, threatening me, last night. It was awful. Oh, wait---I wasn't dreaming.

I've been left alone for a few days without either a working vehicle or adequate estrogen...and I've been naughty. In the same vein as "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound," I have been researching the parallel concept of "if you don't take a shower and there's no one to smell you, do you stink?"

I have also been waiting for the driveway to magically shovel itself. Since I genuinely believe this is possible and keep peeping out of the window, hoping to get a glimpse of the army of elves arriving with tiny shovels, my isolation may be causing delusions.

The reasons for my confinement are too boring to go into---they involve lots of snow, problems at work for my husband, car issues and lack of public transportation...factor in a hearty dose of reclusive weirdness and you get the idea.

Now, throw in a half bag of frozen Tater Tots to complete the picture. Purchased, long ago, to feed a visiting child who ate only Tots and chicken nuggets, I'd forgotten they were in there but, upon a freezer re-con mission yesterday, there they were. I don't remember ever having eaten a Tot but, aware that they have caused controversy for being a nutritionless staple on school lunch menus and are considered total crap, they became irresistible to me in my current state of degradation.

I prepared them as directed--misplacing my glasses immediately afterward so as not to be able to read the huge list of artificial ingredients on the bag. 

They smelled great and I left them in the oven long enough to get crispy, eating them with a little ketchup and a guilty expression. To my surprise, they were terrible. Tasteless with a weird texture and a vague hint of petroleum flavoring, I aimed the entire paper plate at the garbage.... and totally missed. Disappointed and unsatisfied, I peeped out of the window again to see if the elves had arrived. They had not. 

Not ready for sleep thanks to erratic nappage, I cursed the day caller ID was invented because it suddenly occurred to me that a few prank phone calls might be entertaining. Have I mentioned that it was after one in the morning?

The Tots got their revenge by causing indigestion and bad dreams but morning arrived and I am showered and all done up in fresh house-attire. Perhaps I will use my time cleaning out a closet or drawer. Perhaps I will search for M&Ms in the couch cushions for hours on end....who knows.  Wait--I think I hear the elves....

4 comments:

  1. It's the ugly truth, I'm afraid, Maria. Thanks for stopping by..

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  2. LMAO - if you think it...it will happen - or not.
    just wait till spring...the snow will be gone by then...
    but if by chance you do see the elves...do NOT throw tater tots at them!

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  3. Bee! The elves that will come to shovel do not like Tots...they prefer jello shots (a rhyme!!!!!).

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