Friday, March 30, 2012

When I Win the Mega Millions Lottery...

Yep, I bought a lottery ticket. 

Actually, Seth bought it and it's at times like these, when that ticket is about to relocate me to Easy Street, that he and I suddenly become "one."

Technically after 20 years in the state we call home, what's his is mine anyway. I'm not sure he knows this.

First, I will buy the rocking chair I saw in Target today. It had just the right amount of cushioning and it was very comfortable. It was more of a glider than a rocker and relaxed me almost immediately even though it was up on a little display platform and people were looking at me since I was kind of sweaty and, in essence, on display.

I didn't care.

I needed a rest and no one who worked there dared say anything to me...I wanted to eat a package of Easter Peeps while I rested but decided that would be pushing it.
I want huge tires and lights
on top.

Then, I will buy a Jeep Wrangler.

As I approach my dotage, I have a limited number of years in which to enjoy a Wrangler since, despite their redesign a few years ago, they are still kind of jouncy. Not only that but they are very high off the ground and my legs seem to be getting shorter by the minute.
I'll need a color to match the Jeep.

In the warm months, I will remove the doors and top and drive too fast and people will wonder who that super cool, silver-haired hot rod mama behind the wheel is.

So, when I win all that money, I will buy a two door jeep in the color of red and when the police pull me over for speeding, I will now be able to afford the ticket. And when I have so many tickets that they try to take away my license, I will buy the judge. That's pretty easy, according to the New York Post.

Then I will buy lipstick. As many as I want. All colors. And not just from the drug stores, from the cosmetic counters, too. And some shoes. And I will hire Gary Puckett and the Union Gap to put on a concert in the backyard and make sure they play all their greatest hits at least three times each. Yes, I know Gary is now 69 years old but I'm not so young myself.
Hello, again.

Then I will buy the New York Mets.

I will give them to Tom and Charlie as an early Christmas present. I will tear down Citifield and have then re-erect Shea Stadium exactly as it looked in 1986 and I will eat hot dogs and drink beer while my sons save the team.
Bye bye.

Of course I will be philanthropic, too. Don't worry. And I will put aside enough to invest so that my fortune will make more fortune. I am really looking forward to this.

Have a great weekend. Look for me on the new holding up the giant check they give all the lottery winners.

Now, enjoy a little Gary Puckett. Here's the classic
"Young Girl."


  1. This made me laugh. However, I will be the winner. I'll buy you a lipstick.

  2. Sorry, I'm going to win. I'm going to buy all the hippie sundresses I can get my hands on. Then I'm going to buy three more Fiats (I already own one.) Then I'm going to pay Rush to come play a concert in my backyard. I'll pay off the police when the neighbors complain about the noise.

  3. Both you and Sal think you're going to win, Michelle. I am sorry to break the news...Gary Puckett and a Jeep. Although I do admire your plans!! When I win, I'll buy you those sundresses!

    Have a great weekend to both you and BarberSal...and thanks for reading this week!

  4. Nope, I am the winner of tonight's Mega Millions jackpot! I have tons of plans for myself, friends, family and the world. Plans include me looking absolutely stunning in my 2013 Mustang Shelby 500GT Super Snake, feeding the homeless, helping the destitute, taking care of stray/abused animals, many causes, so little time but it will be done & I will look awesome doing it! You can all join me!

  5. Right on, Sister! Tee, I love your plans. And I thoutorughkly approve of your choice of automobile.

    My current animal charity is Big Cat Rescue in Florida. It's an amzing place.

    Thanks for reading and good luck!

  6. I have no intent on winning. But you can buy me a hot dog and a beer.


  7. I bought 4! :) We can share if I win!

  8. That is very generous, Stajiepantaloons. I will do the same!!! XO

  9. That's right..see that picture above? That is a REAL 7 time lottery winner being honored by "Ripley's Believe It Or Not".. and for years people tried to say he didn't win.. that he was a cheat, a liar, and just plain "lucky"

    >>> See his story here... and how Ripley's Believe It Or Not honored him after his 5th lottery win..

    That's right..

    Ripley's Believe It Or Not.. the famous museum and book of weird, crazy, and unbelievable things and occurrences came and investigated this lotto genius after his 5th win.

    They had heard of someone winning once or twice, but never 5 times...

    Richard had nothing to hide so he met with the staff at Ripley's Believe It Or Not and showed them everything.

    What did they find?

    They found that his "crazy method" of playing the lotto actually worked.. and that all his wins were real.

    After that..

    They honored him in their Florida museum and now he is in all of the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museums and books!

    Check out the picture of him at the exhibit opening at the bottom of this e-mail!

    Since he was honored a few years back he has won 2 more times bringing his total documented win count to 7 times and well over a million dollars won.

    What is that method he used to win an astounding 7 times?

    >>> Go here to see it free (access expires today) <<<

    What is the method that Ripley's Believe It Or Not discovered when they went to visit him?

    >>> Go here now to see it free (access expires today) <<<

    To You Winning!