Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Hide and Seek

Cleo says: "I
don't care."
Have you heard that an archeologist in Greece recently found the bones of Cleopatra's murdered half sister?

I had no idea they were missing but am very happy for him.

Unfortunately, while he was making a name for himself in Greece, I could find neither a bottle opener nor a pencil sharpener back here at home.

I had to resort to what my great aunt Margaret used to do for me when I was very little and needed my pencil sharpened.
If only.

C'mon, you remember. We all had a great aunt who did this...with a weird little knife pulled from a pocket she would savagely carve away the wood around the point thus creating a hideous atrocity that no longer looked like a pencil, much less had a usable or sharp point.

Only cavemen would have used that pencil, yet Margaret would hand it to me and then go back to washing clothes on a washboard in the sink.

The poor pencil, mangled by Margaret's knife, had been transformed into a freak and would eventually languish -- a relic of madness -- in the bottom of the kitchen junk drawer never to be heard from again.

Disfiguring a pencil was easier than opening my Mike's Hard Lemonade (flavor of berry) later that same day.

I tried the edge of a spoon, then the edge of the counter, and then a butter knife. I tried yelling at the cap but that got me nowhere and even tried my teeth, immediately grasping the certainty that thousands of dollars of dental work awaited if I didn't stop.
The best flavor, no?

I never got the Mike's open and it sits, abandoned and skunky, on the coffee table by the TV.

Wouldn't you agree that there are certain items that, no matter how many one hoards, can never be found when needed?

These include scissors, nail clippers, flash lights and those awful lighter thingies that will only work if you twirl a wheel with one finger while reciting a page from the Bhagavad Gita (in the original sanskrit) in addition to simultaneously squeezing a button as well as your own sphincter muscle....on a noon.

Designed by Satan

Somewhere in this house, if I live long enough, I will find roughly 25 pairs of scissors, 75 flashlights, dozens of pencil sharpeners, several lighter thingies and over one million nail clippers.
None of us can find a nail clipper.

By then I won't be trusted to handle a scissor, won't remember what a flashlight is for, will have forgotten how to write, will have no need to light a grill because my only sustenance is Ensure sipped  through a bendy straw and will not give a damn about keeping my fingernails tidy since the day we find all these items will be the day the men in white will be coming to truss me up and take me to the home.
Thank goodness this has a flip top.
And the Mike's Hard Lemonade (flavor of berry) will still be unopened on the table by the TV.
Aunt Margaret could not do this.

Hello, Friends....if you enjoyed reading this, why not check out today's post? Just click on the title (in grey) and you'll be there in a snap...."Why Women are Better Off than Men."


  1. I have some of those pencils in a drawer somewhere too. Loved the post.

  2. My grandfather used to sharpen pencils that way. And who uses pencils these days anyway?

  3. Haha. All very true! I can never find scissors, but I have strategically placed lighters and bottle openers all over the apartment. Nothing will come between me and a glass of wine + a lighted candle!

  4. Belly fat is regarded as the frequent disease today.

    Also visit my blog ::

  5. Ι'm not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for great information I was looking for this info for my mission. mouse click the up coming document
    Also see my web page > mouse click the up coming document

  6. I'm excited to find this great site. I want to to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!! I definitely appreciated every part of it and i also have you saved to fav to check out new things in your website.

  7. Hеllо Τhere. I found your blοg
    using mѕn. Thіs is a really well wгitten articlе.
    I will be sure tο bookmark it and come bacκ to гead more of your usеful info.
    Thanks for the poѕt. I'll definitely return. please click the next webpage

  8. Magnifiсent gοods from you, man. Ι havе гemеmber уоur stuff prеvious tο and you're simply too wonderful. I really like what you've gοt here, cеrtainly liκe what уou аre saying and the way during
    which you say it. Yοu're making it entertaining and you continue to take care of to stay it wise. I can't wait to leагn
    much mοrе from уou. Τhat is гeally a tгemendous
    sitе. visit the following internet page
    My web site: visit the following internet page

  9. It's an remarkable article for all the web viewers; they will get benefit from it I am sure.

  10. Writе morе, thаts all Ι have tο saу.
    Literally, it seеmѕ as thоugh you
    relіed on the ѵideo to make уouг point.

    Үοu defіnitеly knoω whаt
    youгe talking abοut, why throw away уοur intelligenсe on just рosting videos to your sіte when you could be giving us
    sоmething infoгmаtіvе to
    My web site -

  11. I just stumbled in and was amazed by your blog, especially that spinning globe thing. I still use pencils, I'm a cabinet maker/woodworker and I carry a pocket knife. I did donate a pocket knife to the security people at the check-in to the Statue of Liberty last year so when they cart my off there will be one pocket knife short in the final inventory.

  12. Haha so great, and what every happened to the poor Mike's Hard Lemonade? (berry flavor is the best)