Agoraphobic? No. Hooked on Hummus? Yes.

Not at this point...yet.

After reading yesterday's post, a reader asked me if I am agoraphobic.

I was shocked by the question but after re-reading the post, I can see why someone might think I have issues with leaving the house.

But, honestly, I do not.

I trudge out on a daily basis and squint at the world, fists clenched at my sides just like the rest of you. I do admit that sometimes I get a little resentful about having to leave the house. After all, I can see my couch from here. And there's the TV.  And Buzzy is here, too.

I don't take him with me when I leave but miss him a lot. He would have made a fabulous companion at the mall yesterday when I went into a specific, trendy store to buy my favorite mascara and was ignored by the bitches within. I think they ignored me because I am neither specific nor trendy and that may be a pre-requisite if you want to lay your money down on their marble counters.

Buzzy would have made a huge difference. First because of his beauty and charisma. They would have come out from behind the counter and begged to be allowed to pet him but I would have said no.

Or, I might have released him among the clutter of pots and palettes and let him make merry. That, too, would have garnered attention but would also have involved mall security and possible detention and the idea of Buzzy behind bars is just too much to bear.

Jail?

In any case, despite the fact that the real world is an occasionally cruel and unforgiving place (case in point: Dakota Fanning is no longer the cute little girl she once was), it is my regular haunt.

If I didn't emerge occasionally, how would I keep myself stocked with my current addiction of Trader Joe's Garlic Hummus? Answer me that.

I love hummus and I love garlic. A lot. So when I saw these two ingredients combined, I knew this unassuming little tub o' magic was coming home with me. 

Upon tasting it, I thought that my container had mistakenly received an extra dose -- or twenty -- of fresh, minced garlic. It was potent enough to unsettle vampires within a 50 mile radius.


I looked for the words "atomic," "mondo" or "gadzooks" on the label but all it had was the usual list of ingredients. After one bite, I was hooked.

  

Pulling out the baby carrots, I ate more and more until, well, Seth wouldn't come near me...or let me ride in his truck until my breath improved. So I stopped for a while.

But just yesterday, I lost my resolve and snuck back into Trader Joe's for another supply. It's insane--on a cracker, a chip, off a spoon, and is so powerful that Homeland Security should consider incorporating it into some form of strategic national defense.

Eat it if you hate your dentist, your boyfriend, your children. There's no end to the people you can alienate.

"But I love you....!"

In fact, I should load up and hang out in the doorway of the specific and trendy make-up store in the mall. That will certainly get me attention...and, probably, free mascara for life just to get rid of me.

From this...

..to this. Sigh.