Thursday, August 16, 2012

It's National Relaxation Day!

Today is National Relaxation Day!

I think this should be more than an asterisk on the calendar, don't you?

Why not embrace such a good idea and observe it properly?

First and foremost, National Relaxation Day should be a day off.

Add it to school, bank and post office holidays. Stores, which to my sadness never close anymore to observe anything at all, can sponsor sales if they so choose but mostly let's make it a day where people can sleep late, avoid a commute or have breakfast out with the family.

That's a start.

All news networks, cable and otherwise, should go off the air for 24 hours. Instead of the bad and scary, I suggest images of bunnies and unicorns. Exchange footage of suffering and struggle for lion cubs or a field of sunflowers as their cheerful faces bob in peaceful unison when touched by a passing breeze.

Some channels might air hour upon hour of the ancient "Father Knows Best" or "The Donna Reed Show" because despite the fleeting and superficial anxiety of "Princess" not getting the shoes she wants for the party or an equally bland misunderstanding that causes charming conflict between siblings and spouses, all loose ends are tied up quickly and, after approximately 22 minutes not counting commercials, everyone is beaming again.

All professional sports should be cancelled for the day, most especially any activity by the New York Mets.

In addition to no mail (bills, obnoxious mailers from every imbecile running for anything within 300 miles that make me fret about how many trees were felled in the name of this stupidity, as well as glossy catalogs from whose pages I desire everything but can afford nothing) and no TV news, there should be people stationed every mile on public roads -- both urban and rural  -- handing out freshly made S'mores. And corn dogs.

How can one be stressed when eating a S'more? It's impossible. The same goes for a corn dog--holding the stick, navigating the golden crunch of the fried coating, locating the saltiness of the hot dog within....pure relaxation, spicy brown mustard or not.

I advocate that get-togethers, such as those encouraged on Memorial or Labor Day be discouraged. First, because there is simply too much work involved but also because such days commemorate the stressful: Memorial Day means summer is coming and one may not feel ready for public exposure of the spider veins and cellulite that accompany a warm weather wardrobe while Labor Day heralds summer's demise and the inevitability of falling on the ice in your driveway.

So, no parties...people should just drift home -- tummies full, lips greasy -- and recline. Cool damp washcloths can then be applied to foreheads before  fading off for the most celebrated method of observing National Relaxation Day---a nap.

I wish you all a relaxing day

"Princess" is in the upper left.


  1. Niam niam niam corndogs! Bliss.

  2. I didn't even know it was a holiday when I took a nap this afternoon!
    When I briefly lived in a small town in Georgia, I noticed that nothing was open on Sunday mornings until around 12:30 pm. It was actually very refreshing and relaxing.