The Wedding Singer Wannabe

Last week Seth and I attended a fabulous-in-all-ways wedding at which there was a live band and not a DJ.

A band seems to have become a bit of a rarity these days.

There are cases to be made for both.

What a voice!

Since it might be a challenge to get the actual Steve Perry to sing "Don't Stop Believing" at your wedding, it's nice to be able to fist pump to the original. Yet a band, when good, is a huge treat.

Such was the case last week. 

This band, representing The Ken Gross Orchestras which has a huge roster of bands (and apparently infinite genres of music to suit any taste) was pure magic. Sax, trumpets, guitars, drums, keyboard and a sultry, slinky little feral beast of a singer were absolutely fabulous, providing sufficient entertainment to distract me from a vast "dessert room" in which Frangelico was being served in little chocolate cups.

Thanks, I don't mind if I do...

Rooted to my chair for the beginning of the reception as a result of having slugged down way too much champagne during cocktail hour, I spent a good portion of my time miffed about the cosmic mix-up that had somehow managed to give the wedding singer the body that was obviously meant for me (lean and bitchin') while I received the body intended for her (round).

If I had that smokin' figure and looked like that in a sleek little dress, I, too, might have had the temerity to drape myself over a microphone and sing "Don't Get Around Much Anymore" just like she did.

Instead, envious and slightly bitter, I poked at my meal as, in my mind, I stood in her place--purring a melody out into the crowd of wedding guests, some dancing, some eating, some -- perhaps -- entertaining similar fantasies to mine as I polished off the risotto first course.

The Duke.

The band itself, was superb. Eight pieces and all strong musicians as their solos repeatedly proved, these men could play.

And the repertoire, chosen by the young and stylish bride and groom*, was almost exclusively retro -- Duke Ellington, Cole Porter, moving up to the Motown era. This pleased everyone from the hipsters to the support-hose demographic.

The singing duties were shared by the little dominatrix at the mike and the lead guitar player who effortlessly sang Sinatra, Louie Armstrong, Marvin Gaye and Barry White. 

In other words--the music was perfect.

Ooh la la.

This point was proven when I visited the ladies room to be greeted by a tired attendant who, sitting protectively close to her tip jar while folding towels, looked up -- unsolicted -- to tell me how much she was enjoying the music. "Sometimes," said she, "all I hear in here is THUMP THUMP THUMP! This is a nice change."

While she was an AARP card carrier, the same sentiment was expressed by the young waitress who hovered over our table. In her early 20's and able to refold a dinner napkin at the speed of light, she too mentioned how much she was enjoying the music.

While it's, no doubt, a job -- in every sense of the word -- to the band, they certainly made it look like huge fun. I'm sure there are better nights than others but how could it not be fun and amazingly cathartic to, on a good night, belt out songs for a living?

Why couldn't I have been a wedding singer, dammit?

Well, let's begin with the most basic fact--I cannot sing. This, however, did not stop me from loudly performing my own renditions of every song I could remember from the evening's set lists as poor Seth cowered, unsuccessfully trying to wad up toll receipts to use as earplugs.

Unstoppable and merciless, I sang on.

If I couldn't be a real wedding singer, commanding the room with a sweep of a perfectly manicured hand and a flutter of my eyelashes, I was damn well going to fill the car with my own horrific, off key inimitable song-stylings.

So I did. All the way home.

I have already filed the necessary papers with the powers of the universe to be a wedding singer in my next life. 

Speaking of Steve Perry and weddings, this is -- in my humble opinion -- the single most romantic song ever recorded. I will perform it at your wedding if you'd like. Free.

* Many congratulations to Cara and Nick!!!