Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My morning ritual is very simple: Sit on edge of bed and look confused for several minutes. Next, become extremely disgruntled if it's sunny because we need the rain. Become equally disgruntled if it's rainy because sunshine is cheerful. Then, stagger about--usually in circles--for a few minutes before groping my way into the kitchen where I slap the coffee maker around until it begins to gurgle and drip. Next stop--hall bathroom where I turn on the faucet to a small trickle so Buzzy and Fritzi, who are waiting patiently, can drink from their "watering hole", the bathroom sink.

I think the cats may be British. I believe this because they line up, very politely--one behind the other--to drink from the faucet. Studies have shown that, in Great Britain, it only takes two people waiting for something to form a "queue." In the United States, it takes seven (and a lot more in NYC, especially among middle-aged women hoping to get good seats at a taping of The View--now, there's a bunch of savage bitches).
If I were at the box office waiting to purchase a ticket to Smuckers Stars on Ice ( no, I'm not kidding...wanna make something of it??) or, at Costco to return a twelve-pack of  "magic-eye" night lights, with one other person who stood directly behind me, I'd be pretty certain that he or she was a deranged killer....or, now that I've seen this study, British. 

By this time my very orderly cats have quenched their thirst and lined up--like the Brits I suspect they are--at their bowl for some crunchies. I am now trying to do the daily crossword without glasses, marveling that Hoda hasn't yet hit Cathy Lee with a bat and happily anticipating the first of four back-to-back episodes of Cash Cab. The cats, dispersed from their queue, have begun their important day's activities: napping and snacking. 
I think I'll head out and stand directly behind the next person I see. If I tell them I'm British ("like my cats"), especially with this Brooklyn accent, I'm sure they'll be fine with it.

1 comment:

  1. Like you Mrs. Szold, I can't get enough of Cash Cab. When I imagine the day I am on the show I like to think I would call you for help with my mobile shout out. Be ready.