Keith Richards---Health Idol

There are certain symptoms of growing older that cannot be taken lightly.  So what if I need reading  glasses to discern whether that's  cous cous or quinoa on my plate?  Who cares if, upon first awakening, my joints creak and pop loudly enough to be heard down the hall?  Big deal. What I am most shocked by is my new-found love for Regis Philbin.  Suddenly I find that man engaging, charming and really very funny. My laughter at his comments resonates off the walls as I dress each morning and I turn to the cats, expecting to see them slapping their little haunches in shared hilarity.  I surely did not see this coming. But, more importantly, I wonder if Keith Richards loves Regis, too…

Keith, you see, is my touchstone for my very physical survival. A few years back during a cyclical phase (I am now trying to do better) in which I became concerned about my self-neglect (not scheduling age-appropriate diagnostic exams, consuming sugar and saturated fats as if I were training for the early death prelims of the Bad Eating Olympics), I read about Keith. He of the drug and alcohol-saturated decades. He of the ghastly pallor, the emaciated limbs, the unsteady gait.  He of the odd items, entangled and forgotten, suspended in his greasy hair. The piercings. The hollow stare. He who refused to stop drinking because he’s outlived the doctors who begged him to do so. He, who claims--during a bender--to have snorted a pinch of his cremated father along with some cocaine. Keith Richards, the very paragon of self-abuse is my health mentor... 

It dawned on me that if he’s still upright there is no earthly reason why I shouldn’t be, as well. And this has given me enormous hope for my own longevity. I have never taken drugs and do not drink.  My own periods of debauchery—involving  M&Ms  and full-fat mozzarella as opposed to unlimited Jack Daniels, heroin and cocaine—pale in comparison and Keith is still going strong. Now, of course, I worry terribly about him and keep a concerned ear turned to what (or, who) he’s snorting these days. I’ve learned  that he’s recently written an autobiography.  I intend to read it carefully for health tips and inspiration.  Viva Keith!!