Never Ask a Lazy Woman for Decorating Advice.

After years of bitterly complaining about our old, gnarly, cracked kitchen counter, we finally got a new one.

Those who know us are well aware that we actually prefer bitterly complaining about things as opposed to taking action, so this was not really a problem.

I mentioned my new counter to a friend who has a fabulous kitchen.

Hers was done a la Tuscany and there are tiles above her stove adorned with hand painted pictures of grape vines and rolling hills.

It's all very beautiful and does, indeed, give one the feeling of an airy kitchen somewhere in the Italian countryside. Other people prefer colonial or French country. Many now are opting for retro looks that may include laquered cabinets in bright non-traditional colors.



Too many choices---aaaaargh!!

My husband and I also have a very distinct style preference. It is called: the "just try and avoid humiliation" style of decorating.

Based on laziness, confusion and a bad attitude, we've adhered to it since we met in the early 80's.

While it may evoke a frat house instead of Tuscany's lush beauty, it works. It's mismatched but eclectic.

The pieces come from a wide variety of sources including a 1920's era dining set of my grandmother's, a piece or two from  my mother-in-law's collection and some cheap crap from Ikea and Bob's (a local-ish chain that carries furniture of  questionable integrity and oft-mocked quality) and all blend together thanks to a uniting dose of clutter and a fine patina of dust.

We never stopped the kids from hurling themselves about on the couches, only recently accepted that "coasters" are more than a doo-wop group from the fifties, and put our feet up on every available surface in the house, including other people if they remain inert for more than fifteen minutes.

We also, quite literally, sweep things under the rug on a regular basis.

In all honesty, Seth would prefer a more ordered and stream-lined lifestyle but my theory is that if you keep it all reasonably clean and drape home-made afghans over the parts of the couch the cats have torn asunder, you're good to go.

As you can see, it all falls into the famous "who gives a flaming goddam" minimalist school of decorating. I may even write a coffee table book about it if I can muster the energy and figure out what I mean when I say it.

Things can become a little wobbly, however, when you acquire something new. The new counters, in all their unscarred glory, have shone a cruel spotlight upon the old cabinets.

I am happy to report, however, that the floor which looked pretty damn bad before the counters arrived and now looks stomach-turningly grotesque, will also be replaced shortly.

Seth and I have already pulled up kitchen chairs just to sit and admire the counters. We have not yet put our feet up (I tried but my legs are too short)) on them but they've only been in for a couple of days. Give us time.

An actual view in Tuscany or kitchen tile? You decide.