Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Prodigals Return--and They Want Lunch!

I have been trying to reach this keyboard for a few days now so I could write a proper post but every time I roll up my sleeves and aim my tuchas at  the roll-y chair, someone yells, "Ma, I'm hungry!"

Like Pavlov's dogs were conditioned to drool, I drop everything as if it were on fire and tumble towards the fridge...the stove...the kitchen because, to this day, I cannot resist those words if uttered by my babies.

I, literally, fear that if I do not feed them immediately, they will starve to death.

My mother and her mother before her -- and I can only imagine the line of ancestors dating back to cave women wearing fur aprons and anxious expressions --  operated on this very same premise with their own children.

Why would I be any different?

It might be noted here that since I have no daughters this behavior may come to a screeching halt once I have grilled my last cheese sandwich or flipped my final pancake but until then, on my watch--you EAT.
Garanimals--the clothes that always match

And, boy oh boy, they are always hungry.

No longer growing bunnies but large adult males, they still seem to eat as they did in the days when they'd head off to bed in one size of Garanimals and wake up the following morning needing a larger size.

And, with the exception of when they creep into my bedroom in the middle of the night and wake me from a dream in which I am trimming Tom Selleck's mustache with my teeth in order to make them a sandwich, I love every minute of it.

It's not all food prep. There's noise: debating, ranting, singing, laughing, comedy, nonsensical blathering, burping, sniveling, threatening, meowing, an occasional fight complete with running and pummeling as well as huge sneakers strategically placed in spots to maximize unexpected tripping and falling by me.
Tom, when he's hungry.

You'd think they'd want to make sure I remain healthy and ambulatory since I am the meal hobbit but they've explained that the sneakers are their way of keeping me alert. They are so thoughtful.

When the boys aren't here (which is most of the time), Seth and I rarely speak to one another other than when participating in the puppet shows starring the little wooden boys we dress in the kid's old clothes. So, you can imagine our joy when they're here consuming everything in their path like voracious locusts, monopolizing the television with sports and clapping their little hands when I do a somersault in the hall as I careen to a new injury after tripping on their shoes.
Charlie prefers the use of irony when hungry.
One of the best aspects of visits from the boys, bestowed spontaneously when the mood strikes, are the unscheduled chats when, as a parent, you get an insight into what makes these creatures, who bear only a passing resemblance to the children you remember, tick.

And since a steady stream of snacks, treats, tidbits, sandwiches and edible doodads fuel all this activity, I am more than pleased to be the lady standing vigilantly at the cutting board.

In other words, I'm really, really happy they're home.

Maybe I shouldn't have stored them in a box when they were little.....


    Do not hurt your mom! ... she will continue to love you, but I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!...
    not a threat... a promise!

  2. I totally understand. Brett came home on the 23rd; and since then I've been cooking like I have 18 kids. I was happy.

    I don't know how just 1 kid can eat so much and not have to grease his hips to get through the door. He has the metabolism of a shrew.

    He's leaving today at 5pm. Our house will seem really empty again; but the frig will stay full a lot longer.

  3. What, exactly, is an edible doodad? Is it like Chex Mix?

  4. Incredible words, Susan! I look forward to those days with a bit of melancholy. I joke when talking about groceries.. I always have to buy an extra bag of chips for the expended energy of the unloading.

    My boys will be chased from the house by a younger sister who will undoubtedly give us trials the likes we have never seen.
    I wouldn't miss it!

  5. Susan, it's great that you get to see your voracious boys for the holidays!

    I've been enjoying your writing so much, I nominated you for a Versatile Blogger Award. You can read all about it here:


  6. Janet! Thank you for defending me! I relayed your threat to the boys and the sneakers got moved to the side. I threatened them with wetas, too. XXOO

  7. Michele, I wish I had the appetite of a shrew instead of the personality.

    I dread the boys leaving...

  8. Yes, actually, Sharona. That's the perfect choice for "edible doodads!" Thanks for your comment!

  9. Thank you so much, Scott...and let's enjoy what we have while we have it!

  10. I'm very honored, Brian. Thank you so much for the nomination. I am very happy that you are reading. You certainly made my day! I'm also looking forward to checking out your blog!