Thursday, February 23, 2012

Agoraphobic? No. Hooked on Hummus? Yes.

Not at this point...yet.
After reading yesterday's post, a reader asked me if I am agoraphobic.

I was shocked by the question but after re-reading the post, I can see why someone might think I have issues with leaving the house.

But, honestly, I do not.

I trudge out on a daily basis and squint at the world, fists clenched at my sides just like the rest of you. I do admit that sometimes I get a little resentful about having to leave the house. After all, I can see my couch from here. And there's the TV.  And Buzzy is here, too.

I don't take him with me when I leave but miss him a lot. He would have made a fabulous companion at the mall yesterday when I went into a specific, trendy store to buy my favorite mascara and was ignored by the bitches within. I think they ignored me because I am neither specific nor trendy and that may be a pre-requisite if you want to lay your money down on their marble counters.

Buzzy would have made a huge difference. First because of his beauty and charisma. They would have come out from behind the counter and begged to be allowed to pet him but I would have said no.

Or, I might have released him among the clutter of pots and palettes and let him make merry. That, too, would have garnered attention but would also have involved mall security and possible detention and the idea of Buzzy behind bars is just too much to bear.
In any case, despite the fact that the real world is an occasionally cruel and unforgiving place (case in point: Dakota Fanning is no longer the cute little girl she once was), it is my regular haunt.

If I didn't emerge occasionally, how would I keep myself stocked with my current addiction of Trader Joe's Garlic Hummus? Answer me that.

I love hummus and I love garlic. A lot. So when I saw these two ingredients combined, I knew this unassuming little tub o' magic was coming home with me. 

Upon tasting it, I thought that my container had mistakenly received an extra dose -- or twenty -- of fresh, minced garlic. It was potent enough to unsettle vampires within a 50 mile radius.

I looked for the words "atomic," "mondo" or "gadzooks" on the label but all it had was the usual list of ingredients. After one bite, I was hooked.
Pulling out the baby carrots, I ate more and more until, well, Seth wouldn't come near me...or let me ride in his truck until my breath improved. So I stopped for a while.

But just yesterday, I lost my resolve and snuck back into Trader Joe's for another supply. It's insane--on a cracker, a chip, off a spoon, and is so powerful that Homeland Security should consider incorporating it into some form of strategic national defense.

Eat it if you hate your dentist, your boyfriend, your children. There's no end to the people you can alienate.
"But I love you....!"
In fact, I should load up and hang out in the doorway of the specific and trendy make-up store in the mall. That will certainly get me attention...and, probably, free mascara for life just to get rid of me.
From this... this. Sigh.


  1. There are other brands of garlic hummus, you know.

  2. I think Dakota now appeals to the men who like the Lolita type. I prefer Hummus.

  3. I love hummus and will have to try this. Maybe it will keep people away from me too which is a side benefit.
    Fun post!

  4. I like to leave the house. I just don't always like the people I encounter. Maybe the hummus will keep those who are not truly committed to me (or with me) away.

  5. Love garlic, not so much the hummus.

    I make turkey kielbasa and on the side I cook canned dice tomatoes, canned black olives that are cut up, canned siced mushrooms, and heaping teaspoons of garlic, serve over rice...


  6. Anon, you are correct but there might as not be because Trader Joe's is so far superior to any others. Wow.

  7. I fear you are right,. Carl...phooey. I prefer hummus, too.

  8. We could hang out, Sharona...our stench will cancel each other out.

  9. I like the way you think, Michelle...try that hummus--you won't look back!

  10. I make something very similar (including the olives!) but serve mine over cous cous. Yum! Try a little cumin in yours, too.

  11. That hummus sounds like Heaven to me. I use multiple heads of garlic in a week when I'm cooking at home.
    You could always add some more garbanzo beans and tahini to it though if you absolutely, positively had to.

    Wouldn't be as good though...