Monday, May 23, 2011

Party. Ketchup. Boobs.



Fun. Friends. Good food.

Rain? No matter. Tent. Cozy. Dry.


Choices. Salads. Beans. Ham. BBQ Chicken.
Yes, yes, yes and yes. Thank you.

Double the plate or certain disaster. Okay.

What's that? Hamburgers. Slight char. Perfect.
Stack of American cheese. The white kind. Makes it healthy? Okay!

Yum. Burger. Cheese. Bun. Friends. Tent.


Drop of ketchup.

Big one.


Bigger than a quarter? Oh, yes,

On. My. White. Blouse.


Don't look down.



Look around. Husband noticed.

Suicide. A bit much? Not sure. 

Mass murder? Same.

Kitchen. All alone. Good.

Woman walks in. Who is she?

"Oh, ketchup on the boobs...happens to me all the time," she says.

Walks out.

Mental note: Spare her life.

Whisk off glistening red bubble with a practiced hand.

What's left: red stain. Huge.

Feel faint.

Can't leave. Too early. Rumor there is cake.

Sponge. Damp. Blot.

Blot again.

Stain now pink.

Still bad.

Eyeglasses! Position over stain. Hide.

Doesn't work.

Blot more. Cold water.

Too cheap to buy Tide bleach pen. Looked good on TV.

Should have.

If survive this, will purchase.

Stain better. Not gone. Announces to world: have eaten hamburger.


Hoped to hide that from world.


Exit kitchen. 

On way to tent, sky opens. Raindrops, big as dinner plates, soak me. Stain. Everyone.

People wet. Laughter. Stain? Forgotten.

Good party.


  1. In my experience, there are two kinds of people. There are the ones who drop food on the floor - Rick; and then there are the ones who drop food on their fronts - me.
    Which is why I wear a bib! :-)

  2. Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA!!!! That was awesome!

  3. Well, Janet, I defintely should wear a bib!

    And, Maria,glad you enjoyed!

  4. It's the LAW! You HAVE to spill food on your boobs to prove you had a good time. I usually spill food AND drinks on mine, just to make a point. And Joe is a really neat eater/drinker, so I usually spill some on him too. After all, I don't want people to think he didn't have fun...

  5. Oh and PS- If you do get those Tide pens...let me know if they work. I'm too cheap to try it myself :)

  6. Seth is very neat, too but it never occured to me until now to spill stuff on him, too. Thanks for the great idea.

    And I forgot to buy the Tide pens today while I was prancing around in time.

  7. If I actually had boobs, I might spill food on them intentionally just to draw attention to their wonderfulness. However, I'm flat as a pancake and still spill shit on myself on a daily basis. Sigh...

  8. Abby, that was so damn funny....thanks for stopping by and "Spill on, sister!"