I have a tall and gorgeous friend known as Catzilla who writes one of the funniest blogs in blogdom* but yesterday, girlfriend crossed the line.
She attempted to convince her readers that she is stupider than I am.
I know! What was she thinking?
As those of you who have been following my blog are painfully aware (and, no doubt, wonder why I work tirelessly at trying to prove it**), not only is there no one stupider -- or inexplicably (even I don't know why) prouder of being stupid -- than yours truly.
And I am about to prove it again.
Sorry to have to do this to you, Cat. I was saving this final, and ultimate example, of stupidity for an emergency. I did not think the day would come so soon but thanks to your hilarious issues with the light switch in your bedroom, it has.
A while ago, before I could blame any sort of mind-fog on hormones and before I gave up coffee so that my brain was still sharpened by the coffee gods, I drove to the local post office, parked my car in one of the spaces right in front and stumbled in to take care of whatever minor crapola I there to take care of.
After loading up on stamps stamps and shmoozing a bit with the guys at the counter, I exited the building, gaily waving my little cellophane envelope (don't you just love those?) of commemoratives and my certified mail receipts only to be faced with two identical cars-- mine and its evil twin.
They were both the exact same make, model and color. Both had plates from the correct state.
"Oh," I thought. "A car exactly like mine (if these thoughts had a voice as I was thinking them, it would have sounded exactly like Scooby Doo's), how about that?"
So, I enter the car closest to the door only to notice that the front seats, unlike mine, were covered in a bold black and white cow fabric. It really was quite funky.
Instead of leaping out of the car in embarrassment because I had climbed into the wrong one, I actually had this thought (and here is where anyone who depends on me for anything at all, should become very, very scared), "Gee, I wonder when I bought these..."
|They were exactly like these.|
It took a full minute (or three) to realize that not only had I never purchased two matching, cow seat covers and leap out of the wrong car and into my own. Once in, I drove away so fast that I didn't even wonder until later why the other car was unlocked. There could have been a serial killer hiding in the back seats....or, an idiot behind the wheel.
If there had been a dog in it, I might have wondered when I got a dog.
So, Cat, I do apologize. While yesterday's post came close, I think that I have schooled you on the meaning of dumb. Top this. I dare you.
* Don't forget to check out Catzila vs. Life. And, for more fun, don't miss her archives.
**For those of you confused as to why I would be trying to illustrate how incredibly stupid I am -- something that normal people try, on a daily basis to either disprove or keep under wraps, if you think about it, it all makes quite a bit of sense, now doesn't it. Read that again, it will make more sense a second time.
|I hope I never see this sign anywhere.|