Thursday, May 5, 2011

Stupid Is as Stupid Does. Take That, Catzilla!

I have a tall and gorgeous friend known as Catzilla who writes one of the funniest blogs in blogdom* but yesterday, girlfriend crossed the line.

She attempted to convince her readers that she is stupider than I am. 

I know! What was she thinking?

As those of you who have been following my blog are painfully aware (and, no doubt, wonder why I work tirelessly at trying to prove it**), not only is there no one stupider -- or inexplicably (even I don't know why) prouder of being stupid -- than yours truly.

And I am about to prove it again.

Sorry to have to do this to you, Cat. I was saving this final, and ultimate example, of stupidity for an emergency. I did not think the day would come so soon but thanks to your hilarious issues with the light switch in your bedroom, it has.

A while ago, before I could blame any sort of mind-fog on hormones and before I gave up coffee so that my brain was still sharpened by the coffee gods, I drove to the local post office, parked my car in one of the spaces right in front and stumbled in to take care of whatever minor crapola I there to take care of.

After loading up on stamps stamps and shmoozing a bit with the guys at the counter, I exited the building, gaily waving my little cellophane envelope (don't you just love those?) of commemoratives and my certified mail receipts only to be faced with two identical cars-- mine and its evil twin.

They were both the exact same make, model and color. Both had plates from the correct state.

"Oh," I thought. "A car exactly like mine (if these thoughts had a voice as I was thinking them, it would have sounded exactly like Scooby Doo's), how about that?"

So, I enter the car closest to the door only to notice that the front seats, unlike mine, were covered in a bold black and white cow fabric. It really was quite funky.

Instead of leaping out of the car in embarrassment because I had climbed into the wrong one, I actually had this thought (and here is where anyone who depends on me for anything at all, should become very, very scared), "Gee, I wonder when I bought these..."
They were exactly like these.

It took a full minute (or three) to realize that not only had I never purchased two matching, cow seat covers and leap out of the wrong car and into my own. Once in, I drove away so fast that I didn't even wonder until later why the other car was unlocked. There could have been a serial killer hiding in the back seats....or, an idiot behind the wheel.

If there had been a dog in it, I might have wondered when I got a dog.

So, Cat, I do apologize. While yesterday's post came close, I think that I have schooled you on the meaning of dumb. Top this. I dare you.

* Don't forget to check out Catzila vs. Life. And, for more fun,  don't miss her archives.

**For those of you confused as to why I would be trying to illustrate how incredibly stupid I am -- something that normal people try, on a daily basis to either disprove or keep under wraps, if you think about it, it all makes quite a bit of sense, now doesn't it. Read that again, it will make more sense a second time.
I hope I never see this sign anywhere.


  1. Something I always have to remind some of my friends and professors about myself :D

  2. What? Stupidity?? Are you kidding???

  3. LOL! But, you know what?... I think you and Cat have BOTH been gazumped by whomever wrote that sign...! :-)

  4. I agree, Janet. I am oft gazumped.

    P.S. I saw the tattoo. Very classy.

  5. I'm speechless. THIS coming from the same woman who wrote yesterday's blog???!!? LOL!!!! You're a woman of many layers and apparently one who might, someday even consider purchasing cow print seat covers. I don't know which conflicts me more, the seat covers or the stupidity. LOL!!!! Thanks for the laugh today. :-)

  6. Ohh, Susan. You DO win. THIS ROUND! :) I'm sure I will do something in the near future to top you though! :)

    There is a girl who parks in the same garage as I do at work, who drives the exact same car as mine, and I can't tell you how many times I have stood next to her car, furiously hitting the "unlock" button and getting VERY upset that the car was not unlocking. Only to have her walk up and say something like, "Nope, still not yours. This one's mine."

    So yeah. I know the feeling. :) LOTS OF LOVE!

  7. Bring it on, Cat!! Until then I will remain the Queen of Stupid. I look forward to the competition ahead....and continuing to enjoy your blog and getting to know you. XXOO