Monday, March 28, 2011

Going Bananas

Even Warhol paid tribute.
More banana art.
Last night Seth said something that upset the careful order of the universe I have worked so hard to fashion and dwell within for the past few decades. 

We've reached a stage, you see, where we've heard each other's stories approximately 90 billion times but, since we are reasonably polite people, we try to stifle our yawns as the other launches gleefully into a familiar tale from childhood, young adulthood or even yesterday.

Except the story of the giant booger on the lip of the kid Seth was playing basketball with in high school and how all hell broke out on the court when people noticed it. If I hear that story one more time............

But he said something that rocked my world. First, because I'd never heard these words from him and second, because of their extremely hurtful nature.

He said: "I hate bananas."

Who says such a thing?

How could anyone hate a banana???

Bananas are sacred. Somewhat like the hard boiled egg in terms of magical versatility -- snack, meal, self-contained and delicious -- bananas are what make fruit acceptable. They are delicious when eaten unadorned but are also fabulous when dressed up (chocolate drizzle or cinnamon sprinkle), set on fire (Bananas Foster), used in baking, sliced into cereal or yogurt or brandished at an enemy.

They are nature at its best---perfect in texture, color, aroma, enough for a speedy lunch on their own and a great source of potassium  Elvis loved them in a sandwich.

Elvis? Yep. Enough said.
The angry banana,

When I was little, my mother was tireless in her efforts to get me to eat fruit. She would offer an apple, a pear or a plum, the same way: "Wouldn't you like a nice apple?", etc. This is not lost on kids. We know when someone is trying to hoodwink us.....not to mention confuse us grammatically.

But this was never necessary with a banana. She could have offered me a "naughty banana" or an "evil banana" (or even a insensitive, sarcastic or angry banana) and I would still have happily num-nummed it up.

It's common knowledge not to insult, mock or demean  bananas, in any way, in my presence. And here's Seth stepping out of the banana-hating closet and into the light with apparently no fear??
The delusional banana.

We definitely needed to have a chat, Seth and I.

This involved shining a flashlight directly into his face during the interrogation portion of the chat, demanding to know what else he may be hiding. He tried tossing things out at me that I already knew (ex.he likes his own feet, does not mind the smell of skunks, will eat six candy bars rather than make himself a sandwich) to get the inquisition to stop but I know there's more in there than the horrific remark about my sweet yellow friends who grow conveniently in bunches and are beloved by babies everywhere. 
Adorable banana puppy.

After I finally unshackled  him let him back into the house, he said that he felt he simply had to come clean after concealing his true feelings about bananas for so many years.

Never having been much of an advocate of free speech, I shouted him down but I fear this may have opened a door of self-assertion and independence. And that, my friends, is never, ever good for a marriage.


  1. Joe and I hold up the fingers of how many times we have heard the story as soon as the other one starts in with it. I don't know exactly how you could do this with 90 Billion though...that may take while.

    Also, banana hate? Grounds. For. Divorce.


  2. We just poke one another right in the eye with a pencil, Cat.

    And, yes....called Chiquita Banana for a divorce atty recommendation. She's been married several times.

  3. not sold on the humor of divorce jokes.

    -Your son

  4. i love the picture of the delusional banana!!

  5. Charlie!! Welcome to the comments--so happy to see you here. And don't worry, I'll only divorce dad if he tells that booger/lip story again. Love you!

  6. Bee! Thanks, Google Search really is amazing!

  7. Seriously, who hates bananas? You might as well hate cats, chocolate, and, well, goodness itself.......

  8. Uh Oh! I like green bananas... ripe ones? not so much. Rick is the same, which is good for us. But, I don't eat fruit really at all and Rick will not eat a banana that has the smallest bit of black on it, so we have 3 black bananas in the freezer waiting to be made into cake. Which we both like :-). But I agree with you, independence and self-assertion in a marriage can only lead to disaster... or drink...

  9. Drink...and then, disaster, Janet....

  10. In a relationship now. Should I be taking notes?

  11. Nah....both you and Charlie are lucky enough to know what a good marriage looks like.

    Plus, I saw pics of your fella when you posted them---he's a cutie!

  12. Thanks :) He's adorable :)

    That is true.....