Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What Might Possibly Make A Woman Assault an $80 Million Painting (Or Suck Her Thumb in a Corner)

The plug came out of the wall again!!!
Did anyone hear about the nutcase -- a woman --  who went totally off her rocker in the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. the other day?

She ranted and raved, threatened people and attacked a very valuable painting with her fists, going totally ballistic until she was finally tackled and subdued.

I bet this is what happened to her the day before she flipped her wig: No matter what outlet she plugged her vacuum cleaner into, it came out of the wall every single time while she was attempting to use it. Not only was her work continually interrupted by that but she, somehow, wound the cord around the love seat and tripped on a sneaker barely missing hitting her head on the molding by the kitchen.

I bet that the next thing that happened was that her womanly hips kept knocking the stack of tax crap that her husband had piled on a bookshelf despite the fact that it didn't fit on it and that she later vacuumed up an earring which was then sucked directly into a very full vacuum bag and had to go through it, painstakingly, until she recovered the earring.

I bet that she thought she'd found it when her fingers came across something that felt like it but was just some stupid metal part from something she no longer owns and it accidentally went under her fingernail causing her to bleed and be in pain for the remainder of the day.
After this, I bet she dropped the last egg she had that was meant for the cornbread she was planning for dinner so that it could go with the chili that she'd scorched on the bottom.

I will also bet that one of her cats missed the litter box with his ass and laid a big one on the floor into which her husband stepped because he was reading a newspaper as he entered the bathroom and there was much screaming and a little crying and name-calling thrown in for good measure.
Did I hear you say Glee is a rerun???

I will also bet that when she was finally ready to sit down and relax, she attempted to watch some TV but Glee (which I bet she really has come to hate but, for some reason, can't seem to stop watching it) was a goddam re-run.

This, I am willing to bet, is exactly what happened before that woman flipped out and attacked the painting.

Interesting because the exact same string of events happened to me just yesterday.......


  1. omg, i am laughing at the cats ass missing the litter box!!
    admit it Susan, that was YOU at the museum wasn't it?

  2. God forbid,Bee. Now that woman was c-r-a-z-y!!

  3. Careful how you define crazy. There's a fine line there that we, as women, work very hard to protect and defend. :-)

  4. i am totally with Maria on this one ;)

  5. And WHAT is it with vacuum cleaner cords? - and WHY don't they make the cords long enough to do one room right to the corners? I get grumpy having to shift the plug to do the other half of a room... sigh

  6. You are right, Maria and Bee. I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries.

  7. So, janet---I see you understand. Shall we share a padded cell?

  8. We would, at least, have a laugh... and someone else would cook... we would just lie around, read magazines and wait for meals. It's sounding pretty good to me :-)

  9. I can always pop in here for a good laugh when my day sucks. Thanks, Suzan.

  10. It is I, who thank YOU, Alicia. And sorry your day sucks.

  11. That first picture totally nailed it for me.