Cheer up, Wayne Brady, At Least The World Won't End Until October.

America, please do not think that I spend a great deal of time thinking about Wayne Brady. For I do not.

But yesterday while  making hideous crumpled balls out of folding the laundry, the clicker -- as is its' habit -- was hiding and I was compelled by the universe to watch whatever was on.

And what was on, was Wayne Brady hosting the television classic, "Let's Make a Deal."

Maybe he was just having an off day because he seemed really mean.

If it had been me standing there with fake coins pasted to my face and wearing a cardboard box that had been violated decorated to resemble a slot machine, I would have been cowering in my sneakers.

Presuming that slot machines wear sneakers.



I am going to hit her with this microphone any minute now.

At best, he was grim and joyless and appeared to hate everyone in the audience. This is a shame because he is gainfully employed and making more money than I, for one, will ever see in my lifetime.

Monty Hall, the original host of the show, favored plaid jackets and a slick 70's 'do. He always seemed to like the crazies who paraded through the studio...liked giving them cash that was secreted in his pockets as well as scheming to entice them to trade it all away for the thrill of a Maui vacation or the disappointment of the dreaded "zonk."

A Zonk means a bad deal....no big money or prize and is feared by all. Once, the zonk was an ostrich. I remember, as a kid, wondering why the person who won it was so upset. Who wouldn't want an ostrich?

I still feel that way.

I think Wayne is an angry fellow. He's a very talented guy who, for some mysterious reason, was never able to be distinct enough to break through to the big time. He remains a "B" when he desperately desires to be an "A."

He can be funny. That was proven when he appeared regularly on a comedy improv show a while back. He can certainly sing and dance as evidenced by this clip. I just don't think he expected to be asking maniacs dressed like Julius Caesar whether they want the box or the curtain, for a living.

Wayne, like so many, thought he was going places but there's room for only so many Wilder Valderamas in this world. Oh, wait--he's a nobody, you say?  How about Ashton Kutcher? Hold on, he had to marry the successful and much older wife of another washed-up actor and perpetually maintain an adolescent demeanor to catch his break.

I give up.

Snap out of it, Wayne.

You have a job. It's kind of easy.

And there are perks. I bet you could have your pick between the 450 pound woman dressed as a meter maid or the really tall old lady, wearing the Yeti suit and dragging around the oxygen tank, for a bit of pre-show hijinks. Then all you have to do is pick them to stand up and make deals. It's a clear case of win-win.

How bad could it be?

So, stop being so grim. Relax. Have fun. After the week's tapings, go home and stalk people from high school on Facebook like the rest of us and live your life, man.

And, if I ever come on and win an ostrich, I'm bringing him home.

I would have been happy with a llama, too.