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Thursday, October 20, 2011
2012 GOP Presidential Hopefuls Hair: An Analysis
Part One: Romney, Cain and Perry
While I've been paying close attention to the race to see who will face President Obama in the 2012 national election, I-- as, I'm sure, many of you -- have also been keeping a vigilant eye on their hair which, in any political contest, plays a very important role.
Subconsciously, the American people desire good hair in a president but it does not ensure victory in an election.
Here is a run down on the hair of the GOP hopefuls. You're welcome.
Mitt Romney: Governor Romney's hair while, apparently perfect, really defies description. Is it fabulous or is it awful?
There can be no neutrality where this particular blow-dried work of tonsorial art is concerned.
Where there finally appears to be some gray in Mitt's domed helmet, there is no gray where public opinion is concerned--you either love it or want to run at it with hedge clippers.
At first, I was very concerned that it was colored. I worried about the ability to maintain a dye job during a hectic schedule (see Michele Bachman tomorrow) not to mention that, if elected, the abrupt graying of the president -- which is a clear gauge of the president's stress levels and makes us think he's working hard -- would be cloaked. I have since decided, after considerable scrutiny, that there is no "Just For Men" on his campaign bus.
White strands are infiltrating his hairline in what appears to be a natural progression and, what used to be stark white temples are now beginning to blend into what originally appeared to be unnaturally dark hair.
Though gelled and sprayed, I have seen his hair tousled by the wind while campaigning outdoors but the general impenetrable perfection of his coif has attracted public attention. I suggest a few more layers and a closer cut.
No, no, no. Pay attention. First I gel, then I spray.
Bottom line: His hair is presidential. Is he? That remains to be seen.
Herman Cain: I like Herman's over-all appearance very much. His hairline is receding but is so closely cropped that the degree of recession is immaterial.
It's length makes care minimal and gives him a neat and snappy appearance, causing him to appear very put-together as well as ready to get down to work.
It goes with the simplicity of his tax plan nicely--to the point, minimalist, all business.
This seems to be as big as it got
If this were the 70's, would Mr. Cain sport an afro? Despite tireless googling, I could not find any evidence that might help answer this question.
He is a conservative man with conservative hair and, apparently, always has been.
Bottom Line: His hair works. Will his tax plan?
Rick Perry: Where do I start? At first glance, he appears to possess a good head of hair but once you glance away, you realize that your stomach has become, ever so slightly, unsettled.
First, it's clearly dyed.
Upon inspection of photographs of a young Rick Perry, it is clear that his hair was very dark at one time. However, as we all age, the nature of our complexion changes, making the dense, natural shades of our youths appear harsh and unnatural.
This is what has happened to Governor Perry.
The shoe-polish black is garish against his aging skin but based on his appearance at the most recent debate, his hair was allowed to fade dramatically and was no longer a shade found on any color wheel.
Help my hair, Lord.
As for the cut, it's boyish 80's style simply does not work. The feathery layers, the side part, the one-sided forehead coverage add up to a far too youthful look for a man of his years. He needs a good stylist with strong Republican convictions and sharp scissors to bring him up to speed.
Still handsome, he would garner more respect with a head of well-cut white hair.
Bottom Line: His hair needs prayers. So does his campaign.
Don't miss tomorrow's conclusion for an in-depth look at the hair of the remaining Republican presidential hopefuls, including Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachman and Newt "My Mama Still Uses a Bowl to Cut My Hair" Gingrich.