Thursday, October 13, 2011

Domestic Jeopardy

If this were Jeopardy, the answer would be: Toilet Paper, Hysterics in the Car and the Exercise Bike.

And the question would be: What are three recent events that might make Susan Says's husband question his marriage vows. Allow me to explain.

First Episode:

Very recently, the toilet paper ran out in the hall bathroom. Not having been the one to use the last square, I secretly bypassed the bathroom for a while and waited for Seth to replace it. He did not. This eventually caused me to attack like a crazed mongoose asking "What are you, a caveman?"
A crazed mongoose

A day or so later, the toilet paper was dwindling in the other bathroom. Before it was completely gone and I had the chance to change the roll, it was thoughtfully replaced. Feeling that my job had been usurped specifically to make me look bad, the crazed mongoose struck again with "Who do you think you are? Mother Teresa?"

Second case in point:

It was a gorgeous fall day last Sunday. The sky was a brilliant blue. The leaves were starting to adopt their autumn palette of  gold and crimson and the breeze was a perfect tickle on the backs of our necks.

Deciding to go for a drive in all this beauty, about halfway through, a beam of sunshine poked through the bower of leaves illuminating something totally random but, somehow, awakening -- within my hormone wracked psyche -- a torrent of nostalgia and poignant memories of autumns past.

With absolutely no warning whatsoever, I burst into tears. 

I cried hard and long, looking out at passengers in other cars with mascara ringed clown eyes and an open mouth. In a nutshell, I ruined Seth's day.

Why he couldn't just see that I was enjoying what is commonly referred to as a "good cry," I will never understand.

Third and final:

Me: "You know, if the exercise bike were in front of the TV, I would use it more often...."
Victim: "Okay." (sounds of wrestling bike down a flight of stairs)
Me:  "You know, that exercise bike is making the room too crowded, I think it would be better upstairs..."
Victim: "Okay."  (sounds of wrestling bike up a flight of stairs)
Me: "On the other hand..."

A perfect world.



  1. There is nothing quite as satisfying as a good cry is there?
    MEN! Pah!!!

  2. Nothing...add a chocolate chaser and you're good to go!