Monday, October 24, 2011

Note to Self: Don't Make Idle Conversation With Men Buying Hockey Masks

Seth has been away for a few days. The first few were fine. Even fun.

I went wild in his absence.

I ate popcorn for dinner, washed it down with Diet Coke and apologized to no one after my carbonated belches. I ate nothing that required utensils or plates, didn't make the bed and gave the cats as much cheese as they wanted. 

I slathered on the weird green facial mask that someone gave me and wore it all evening (which was a terrible mistake because I needed a chisel to get it off) and watched a string of Indie movies that I'd been DVRing for weeks in preparation for his absence.
Can you say "water retention?"

I even bought a plant which I am forbidden to do because I always forget to water them and they die horrible deaths. I have named this one "The Philodendron of Redemption" and have put up a few randomly placed post-its with the words "Redemption" on them. I'm inspired by this on several levels and maybe it will save the plant.

After several days of these hijinks, I decided I'd better check to see if the outside world, as I remembered it, still existed. So out I went...

By this time my mood was kind of low. The sugar rush had worn off, I was lonely and daylight hurt my eyes.

But I needed a new toothbrush so I headed to CVS. Trudging through the aisles, I spotted a tall, young man of about Charlie's age choosing a plastic hockey mask from a Halloween display.

Instantly recognizable as the mask worn by Jason in the "Friday the 13th" horror franchise, I found myself standing right behind this fellow at the register.

Perked up by the possibility of conversation with a total stranger -- admittedly, an odd manifestation of my middle age -- I gave him a sunny smile and said, "Good thing Halloween is coming or I'd have to wonder why you were buying that mask."

He turned to me and without the slightest hint of a smile and in the most serious manner possible, answered, "I'm not using this for Halloween."

"Oh," Meddlesome Mary responded. "What are you planning to do with it?"

"I'm going to rob a bank."

Slight pause.

And then my brilliant response, "Please don't do that."
Jason masks,too, please...

I drove home and immediately locked myself in a closet. I haven't watched the news since this encounter so, if anyone has robbed a bank around here lately, I know nothing about it.


  1. haha! when the cats away...
    sounds like a wonderful few days - i would totally do the same thing!
    but susan, enough with the mask wearing strangers already!!

  2. Sorry, I love strangers in masks, Bee.

  3. Susan, I had a similar experience but I wish it was around Halloween. I was at Dunkin Donuts during August/September 2010 and saw this little boy around the age of 10 or 11 wearing a Michael Myers mask and the father condoning it as if it was a cape or even a super hero costume, mind you I live in a quiet Caucasian neighborhood. It just freaked me out because this was a mask of man who murdered people because he was demented and this man is letting his son wear it as if was not a problem. I felt like this little and his dad were going to kill us all, something out of a horror movie.

  4. If it makes you feel any better, most of my friends would have probably given you the deadpan face and answer just to freak you out (they are childish like that). I'm kinda hoping that's the case. If I hear of any men in hockey masks hitting a local bank, I'll let you know!

  5. Qnzshorty5, thanks for stopping by..that costume sounds awful. I saw a tiny Lady Gaga today, that was pretty bad.

  6. I'm pretty sure he was messing with me, Alicia. But nevertheless, I kept my eyes on the news.