Friday, October 21, 2011

Presidential Hair--Conclusion

Part Two: Michele, Newt, Ron and Jon.

Michele Bachmann:

It's more of a challenge to critique the hair of a female candidate and, in all fairness, it's more of a challenge for the female candiate to maintain a pleasing 'do.

Michele Bachmann is a perfect example.

While Mitt Romney never, ever so much as touches his hair, all Rick Perry with his out-of-date layers and Herman Cain with his baldie buzz need do is pass a hand over their heads to restore order. Michele needs a trip to the ladies room, a can of super-hold and, quite possibly, a whip and a chair.
The up-do.

She has good days and bad days.

Judging by her up-dos, which have --thankfully -- been the order of business for the past two debates, she obviously has a hairdresser on staff. But occasionally, she has fallen vicitm to the over-tease, over spray and, lately, the over-color.

Is her hair dresser a democrat? You'd think they would have checked that out.

The color is also somewhat erratic. She recently went quite red, but, also as of the most recent debate, had visible roots which is a huge no-no. How can you fix the econony if you can't cover your own roots?

The rule that women over 50 should crop their locks, thankfully has gone the way of no white shoes after Labor Day but be wary of the Wonder Woman look, Michele, and you'll be fine.

Bottom Line: Her hair is often wild and so are her eyes. Can she make it to the White House. Nah. While America is ready for a woman, it is not ready for this:

Newt Gingrich:

Newt has a big head. Not only does it contain lots of ideas and a great degree of vitriole, it also supports a luxuriant head of gray hair. While, in theory, the cut is not bad, it does not work.
Update needed

Unfortunately, it is a bit dated and Newt allows too much time to pass between cuts, making  him look like an old boy, framing his petulance and, causing many -- so I hear -- to attempt to slap him right through their TV screens.

He appears to go to same barber as Rod Blagojevich who, like Newt, actually has thick and healthy hair. It's also time to discard the bowl his aides carry around when he needs a quick trim while on the road.
Blago and his hair.

Bottom Line: America will never elect a large elf with bangs to be our president.

Ron Paul: 

The good old days for Ron's hair.
Give up now, Ron. You are a man of great integrity and and, while a bit radical, are truly a man of the people. What remains of your hair will never get you to the White House.

Bottom Line: Too little, too late.

John Huntsman:
Elect my hair, America.

John Huntsman doesn't have a chance in hell to get elected but, ironically, has the best hair of he bunch.

He is what is known as a "hair natural." Thick, easily styled, obedient and lush, his is a presidential head of hair.

The ratio of gray to dark is perfect. It indicates a serious nature and would go snow white during his tenure in the White House which would please the American public. After all, we want the president to be as stressed out and miserable as we are.

I suggest we elect his hair to the White House.

Bottom Line: His hair may have wowed them in China, but it won't be enough to do the trick here.

So, there you have it, America. I suggest that when it's time to vote, you make your choice wisely and may the best hair win!

My choices for best presidential hair: Andrew Jackson and Bill Clinton.


  1. Presidential HAIR?
    We have an election soon... sigh

  2. And do your candidates have worthy hair?