Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Rob a Bank or Eat Peanut M&Ms? You Decide.

Actual conversation overheard In the food court of the mall yesterday:

First Idiot: "If I found out I was going to die soon, I would rob a bank so I would have lots of money to do stuff."

Second Idiot: "Yeah, that's a really good idea. Me, too."


First of all, robbing a bank -- even unsuccessfully -- probably takes a lot more preparation than those two appeared capable of.

First and foremost, one must be able to write a note to slide under the plexi-glass partition to the teller.Your handwriting must be legible and you should be able to spell well enough to write the word "gun"  correctly.*

You need a clean hoodie and a getaway vehicle and it helps if you look like Al Pacino in "Dog Day Afternoon" which I cut school to go see them filming in Brooklyn in the 1970's.

Believe it or not, it was the only time in my entire public school career that I ever cut school. I waved goodbye to my mother while walking in the proper direction only to double back around the block to get on the subway at the corner. Tricky, I know.

Plus, it is only for Al that I would have done such a thing.
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.

And yes, he was very, very cute in person.

Although, he was at his pinnacle of cuteness in "Serpico," which I did not see them filming.

I'm pretty sure there's other stuff you need to plan out but I'm not sure what so, clearly, I am not cut out for robbing banks.

Second, no one ever looks good in the grainy still photos taken from the surveillance tapes that they show on the six o'clock news. And on the wanted posters. 

It also puts your friends in a tricky position because they will definitely be able to identify you even if you're wearing a George Bush mask because you might forget and put on that old sports jersey you got for Christmas with your name across the back.

They will also have to make a choice between the $10,000 reward and your continued friendship. No offense, but I know which I'd choose.

All in all, it's just too complicated. Which is why I chose to suggest to both Idiot One and Idiot Two, totally unsolicited, that they might be better off buying a lottery ticket, adding that if I found out that I was dying soon, I would immediately eat my weight in peanut M&Ms because it wouldn't matter anymore if I did.

They were very, very surprised by my interruption of their discussion. So much so that I was able to grab my tiny shopping bag from The Body Shop and flee on my very short legs before they could respond.

I hope I scored a point for law and order. 

*Please, I beg you, watch this clip... it's only two minutes long.


  1. Hilarious!
    And you CUT SCHOOL!!!???
    I NEVER did that!
    live in a very small city... SOMEONE would've told mum and dad!
    Apart from that, it never occured to me :-(
    I have been boring my whole life.
    If I was going to die soon, I would eat pastry - but only if I could die before the gut ache started! :-)

  2. i would eat my weight in dill pickle chips.
    oh what a happy way to go :)

  3. I loved that clip! What was it from?

    BTW- That's why I always type and spell check my hold-up letters on the computer...

  4. Janet, you are so far from boring that I cannot even begin to explain how unboring you are. And, I swear, I only cut school that one time. I later confessed to my mother who understood after she heard it was to see Al Pacino in the flesh!

  5. Bee, dill pickle chips as in slices of dill pickle? Wow. I do love them but give me sweets, baby, sweets!

  6. Michele, typing your hold-up notes is a much better approach.

    That clip is from an old Woody Allen movie (before he became a creep) called "Take the Money and Run."

  7. I was going to mention the Woody Allen "gub" clip but you beat me to it, but I'm not mad because I got to watch it again.

  8. Ah, Sharyn, it's a classic! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  9. You would :D

    Didn't cut class but we DID convince our professor to let us go see Hanson. This left her exclaiming, "I can't compete with Mmmbop!!"

    I couldn't rob a bank because I'd giggle too much. Then again, I'm the girl who will probably laugh when it's my turn to say my wedding vows because I'd be so nervous......Though my parents did tell me that, if they were ever going to break into a house, they'd use me as a decoy to distract the owners.