Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Tablecloth, Part Two

I'm not going to beat around the bush.

Sometimes, no matter how painful, the truth must just be blurted out:

The tablecloth that saved the day...

That salvaged my reputation...

That buoyed my spirits when I was locked in my lethargic little world of poor time management...that redeemed me in the name of  Sandra Lee and Nate Berkus...that whitened my teeth 2 shades...that prevented me from limbo-dancing directly under the bar leading to the dark side and worse--a possible subscription to the magazine, "Martha Stewart Living"...

... met an untimely and awful fate

Seth thought it was disposable and threw it away.
He did what? I will make his skull into a planter!
In the garbage. On garbage night. Taken away by men in ungainly gloves. Gone. Forever.

I am very calm now.


The yelling that ensued the next morning, upon discovery of this travesty, is now listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the loudest ever recorded -- based on decibels and pitch -- in the western hemisphere since last year when it was discovered by someone who really, really loves Costco frozen yogurt that the yogurt machine was broken for the second week in a row. 

What can I tell you. I express myself in sound.

Don't be a hater.

As for Seth....

He had no choice but to become a Buddhist monk and can now be found at the Dragon Cliff Zen Center in upstate NY where he is currently enjoying isolated meditation until his hearing returns.
Seth strolling with his new friends.


  1. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    RIP table cloth......

    I think I need to show this post to my boyfriend, as a warning against throwing away party supplies.......

  2. Ohhhh, poor tablecloth... Well at least it served a purpose...

  3. Yes,'s gone ot that great Bed, Bath and Beyond in the sky...

  4. Hilarious!
    I LOVE the idea that a subscription to Martha Stewart Living is worse than crossing to the dark side!!! :-)
    I laughed so loud that Percy got a fright!! :-)

  5. Poor Percy! While I regert his fright I'm glad I made you laugh..and I stand by the order of what's worse.

  6. Well as sad as Seth becoming a monk is, at least Christmas shopping for him will be so much easier.:)